My phone just rang. The front desk was calling to say I have a package, so I ran down (not quite literally possible at 95) to get it. Then I knew from the size and the weight: it was the fruitcake I always get from my sister.
In this elder community from which I write, it is Christmas on every hall: the nursing ward, memory care, assisted care, independent living, the dining room.
Decorated trees everywhere
Poinsettias in every pot
Sounds of Christmas music in the lobby
Manger scenes
“Christmas crafts” on activity schedules
Two choirs, male and female, warming up to sing for us
Happy people everywhere.
An unusual number of visitors, family and friends who love us and have driven a few hours to see us at Christmas
An unusual number of absent residents, people who are spending the holiday elsewhere with sons and daughters
Packages arriving, cards in mailboxes
Bus tours to see the Christmas lights
Holiday movies in the community room
And little surprises: small gift-wrapped boxes of chocolates, bowls of peppermint canes
All this and chances to give to others. A collection to buy gifts for people less fortunate than ourselves, and another for the people who clean and cook and guard the doors. And a tree with names of people in the nursing department, people we could cheer up with a gift.
This is Christmas in one of the best places an old woman can be.
Will all of this be happening in every retirement/ assisted living community? Probably not. And maybe you think you don’t even care. But you do have to look before you jump. So, if you are looking for a place to spend your final years, visit every department of a home you are considering. See not just private living spaces, but the game room, the library, the gym, the auditorium, thinking about things you would like to do if you move in.
And see the nursing wing, a place where (face it) you may one day have to spend Christmas.
Ask questions, any question, all of your questions. Read the daily schedules, the activities list, the menus. Talk to the people who live there. Along with all the basic, practical issues, ask what happens on holidays.
Remember, if you are making this decision in February or July, that Christmas will come and is always a season full of meaning. A time of joyful worship. A time when tradition matters. When music seems essential. And family relationships are huge, even if only a memory.
While I wish you to find a perfect, happy place, I know and remember now that Christmas happens (or not) in the heart, no matter where you are.
Know you are loved and celebrate the Christ child.