Should residing in an assisted living/ retirement home enable me to escape the chaos of the world?
This may not be a question that anyone is saying aloud, but one that voices a secret hope, a need that has grown out of our weariness. A tough week caused me to wonder.
Fires in California, the withdrawal from Afghanistan, a new Covid crisis, the hurricane hurtling toward New Orleans—all these were happening at once. They came to us on our televisions and in the headlines of the papers delivered every morning. And I always have my computer.
Barely awake, I take a pill to prepare my sensitive digestive system for whatever else I plan to swallow, and then I sit down with this little window to the world. I need to wait half an hour before even drinking coffee, and I need to distract myself from the need for caffeine. These needs fit conveniently with my concern for the world’s distress.
I could use the time to make my bed. I could dress, I could read something uplifting, but instead I compulsively ask Google for an update on the fire burning near my old home area of California. I read every word I can find; I study the evacuation maps; I visualize every familiar spot. I practically smell the smoke again.
I remember the tension, the emergency bag in the trunk of my car for months of the year, the numbers to call if I needed information (where this smoke was coming from, which roads were open,) the list of things to grab if I had time.
And remembering reminds me of the reasons I am here and not alone in a 4000-foot house in a semi-rural community in a high fire hazard area. Again I see that it was not a good place for a ninety-year-old woman, alone, with an injured back. I am assured that I have made a good decision.
I almost escape from this news update before there is another: a red flag warning across the whole Northern Sierra for the next two days; low humidity and high winds, conditions perfect for spread of the fire and the eruption of new spots.
A shift in the direction the air moves could take the flames toward a little city I know well and the homes of family and friends. While the fire is their problem, it is also my problem, in spite of anything I tell myself.
The news reminds me that the house I sold is still vulnerable, a fact which is not supposed to be my problem. The house is not my house, I know. I have documents to prove this, but it seems that the message has lodged in my head without managing to reach the place where I treasure things. I discover that I want the house we built to be treated kindly by the elements. I want the strangers who live in the house to be happy and secure.
And I realize that moving myself into a home for the elderly has freed me from the immediate danger and stress of these fires, but it has not shielded me from the morning news, the necessity of caring or the impulse to pray.
And so it goes.
I am compelled to see images of New Orleans, lashed by wind and rain, ocean water gushing into homes. Half of my relatives are from South Louisiana, and I went there every summer when I was a child. I remember the taste of cornbread baked in a wood-burning stove and my Grandma’s jambalaya that included some little animal my uncle killed in the woods. I see Gonzales on CNN’s map, an obscure town I think nobody else ever heard of, where my mother grew up and my parents are buried.
Then there is the crisis in Afghanistan that belongs to all of us, but I have memories even there, of strong, slender people, the man who humored me with samples in the spice market and laughed when one of them burned my tongue, the beautiful little church that seemed to be a miracle, and from a village bakery the best bread I ever ate. But later the news: a new government, the terror of dissenters, and an order to tear down the lovely church, stone by stone. Not since then have travelers stopped off in Kabul just from curiosity.
How strange it seems now, the chain of world events: The World Trade Center coming down, a great crime committed by 19 men, none of them Afghans, leading to America’s longest war, and now desperate Afghans clamoring to leave with their invaders. I consider the tragedy of this, the sorrow of people becoming enemies in the place where they were born.
All of these events, these questions invade the peace of this secure place. We aging folks talk about them over the dining table, along with fussing a little about the shortage of staff here. For complicated reasons the pandemic has made it harder to get and keep nurses and waiters and cleaning folks.
But here I also discover those who are protected from news of the world.
“I don’t listen,” a woman says, shrugging it off. She is the same woman who shrugs her shoulders about whether she wants cake or ice cream.
And my friend who has lost the way to her room has forgotten also that there is a country called Afghanistan, nor does she know who is president of the United States. She only remembers the home she wants to go back to.
Fortunately I went to church yesterday and salvaged from the sermon this memorable line: “Pray the news.”
I have, I will, I do.
And I see that so long as we have our wits, the unstable world will be with us. The alternative is not something any of us seek.
We have left home, all of us, the refugees of fire and storm and war, and old people in special homes. We are all looking for shelter, safety, security. And a community, a place where we belong.
Lovely essay, Frances. Jo and I have been talking about writing, and about you. We miss you.
This essay hit me especially, since this year’s 6-month fire season, still not over, has terrified me. I’m calmer now, reflecting that I cannot change anything. We can’t leave here, not yet. So what will be will be. At least we have friends who will take us in, dogs and all, and even the hawk.
Be well! Love,
Sallie
Frances, your writing inspires me. Well done!
Hi Aunt Francis. Enjoyed reading your Blog. I think one can desire to escape from the chaos in our world simply as a way to protect ourselves from emotions of fear and anxiety. I find myself putting up walls of protection from too much chaos and I don’t like the walls. I watch and read a little bit because I know nothing going on in our universe is catching God by surprise. I limit my exposure to it because I need a quiet heart and a mind focused on what is positive, In all honesty I trust the source of a lot of the information very little . Yes I need to know enough to be prayerful . Much Love.
Hi Aunt Francis. Enjoyed reading your Blog. I think one can desire to escape from the chaos in our world simply as a way to protect ourselves from emotions of fear and anxiety. I find myself putting up walls of protection from too much chaos and I don’t like the walls. I watch and read a little bit because I know nothing going on in our universe is catching God by surprise. I limit my exposure to it because I need a quiet heart and a mind focused on what is positive, In all honesty I trust the source of a lot of the information very little . Yes I need to know enough to be prayerful . Much Love.
Dear Frances
I thank you so much for sharing your thoughts in your blog with me (an admirer of your writing). So many times you have expressed the very things that overwhelm me! The difference is your ability to express them so clearly and in such a thoughtful way! I do not avoid the news but I do sometimes dread it. Even in our small town we have seen the effects of these wildfires. Loss of power, choking smoke and so many displaced people. A beautiful young soldier was returned home and honored close by in Roseville . We cannot escape the world so we must pray for it. I thank you for praying with us.
You nailed this Frances! Thank you!
I always enjoy reading your blogs but I rarely comment. I loved this one in particular. God bless you.
Heart-spoken, Frances. Thank you for speaking on behalf of most of us who do our best to navigate each day with the grace we can muster. We are citizens of the globe and are members of tribes who never leave our hearts, despite where our bodies currently reside. Their concerns enrich our prayers.
You writings are inspiring and as always you are missed as a neighbor and friend.
We also sold our home and moved. We are now in Northern Arizona. It’s different but very quiet and peaceful.
Thank you for including us in your writings.
Best regards,
Ivor & Jacqueline James
Thank you, Frances, for adding me to your blog subscription. Personal connections do intensify the pain of disasters and cause us to worry. But, as your niece suggests we need to listen to the news enough to focus our prayers. By the way, she appears to have inherited your writing gene!
Blessings and keep praying.
A powerful read as usual. You are such a powerful writer. I always look forward to reading your essays. Thanks for writing
We empathize! I’m always anxious to see the world new twice a day. We, too, have learned to “Pray the news,” except that such prayers are often too general! Being in an assisted living facility does not isolate us from the world but it does give us greater peace of mind knowing that we are somehow insulated from the suffering we see all over the world. It makes us praise the Lord for His provision for us in our “latter days.”
So much to think about here as always Francis. As retirement looms in 1-3 years I am thinking about our next phase of life and what opportunities it will bring and what choices we will make. It will definitely involve a move so I appreciate all that you have shared with regard to how you made your decisions. My 60s have been interesting so far, already looking back on life, evaluating past decisions and choices, but also recognizing that there is still most likely a lot of life and purpose still ahead of me. James 1:5: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”
Hi Frances – what another beautiful writing from you! You are my encouragement as I become ‘elderly’ (or so says Matthew, lol), and I can only hope to have the insights you write about – thank you!!! and don’t stop……
Good Day Frances,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. The ending was perfect when you said “We are all looking for shelter, safety, security. And a community, a place where we belong.”
As we all know that place is in the hands of Our Lord and Savior. Praying for His Peace, Grace and Love during not only changeling times but at all times brings Peace to us. The complicated and frustrating events of this world will end some day, but thanks to God’s Grace. we will live forever in His Heavenly Kingdom. Bob
Hello, dear Frances, thank you, once again, for your inspiring essay. I have wanted to soak in the hot tub, gaze at the orange moon, and ignore the smell of smoke while simultaneously wanting to scream to the world, “We’ve got to do something about climate change NOW.” “We’ve got to get those refugees out of Afghanistan NOW.” “We’ve got to pay attention to COVID science NOW.” (OK, I can be intense sometimes.) But your essay made me think of my favorite Bible verse, Micah 6:8 ““What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” And we can do that whether we are in a retirement home, in a hot tub, or are refugees from flood, fire, or war.
You are so right, Nancy. You and Micah.
And thank you for sharing. I love hearing from you.
I hope fire season is soon over and that life is not unbearably hard for Eileen these days.
Love to you both.
Frances
Dear Frances, I know it has been many years since I saw you and Wayne in person! Many happy memories are all I in my heart and head ( though I often cannot remember what I did this morning or yesterday?). I so appreciate your wonderful gift of expressing truth that helps your readers (including me) to see our world from your wonderful perspective! God has gifted you with the ability to raise the right questions AND express excellent ideas!❣️ Though I met Wayne and you during my early years in Berkeley, CA, I have been so blessed by God’s gift to you, of expressing such thoughtful understanding of our world! I am now living in a safe and well placed building designed for seniors who need some help – in Rogers, Arkansas! I too am blessed by your thoughtful writing. You have helped me remember to pray specifically for our world, country, people❣️ I am so THANKFUL for God’s continual promise to hear our prayers! Love you and look forward to seeing you in our eternal home (if not before?)