On International Women’s Day it occurred to me that I should write a story about a Middle Eastern woman, a story that would be a tribute to the brave and noble women of our world. Then I become indecisive, knowing so many women— smart women, strong women, abused and used women, courageous, creative, happy women. Then I remembered Uxt Mary. Of course, the one and only Uxt Mary! My problem then was that it had been too long. There were details I had forgotten, and I didn’t want to tell the story wrong. I had to fire off messages to Washington and San Jose and Simpsonville and Jordanian villages to ask for help, all while International Women’s Day faded from memory. But I am stubborn, I got the facts today through a phone call from Amman and can tell you for sure things some of you are not going to believe. But I do, because I knew Uxt Mary.
Mary Tadrose was a big woman. In America in 2016 she probably would be called obese, but in Jordan in the 1960s her size was acceptable and never an issue. She was single, which was unusual, and I never even wondered why. She was not other women, and unlike other women, she simply could not be judged by the normal yardsticks. I never saw her in the black clothing of the village Arabs; she wore a modest dress, but a city woman’s dress, with hose and simple dress shoes. She carried herself with confidence and dignity. There was an unconscious authority in her bearing, along with humility.
A Gift to Jordan
She was a woman who listened to God and obeyed, even if no one else heard the same thing she heard. Because of that, she went up to Beirut and enrolled herself in the Arab Baptist Seminary and took the course that the preachers took. When she graduated she went back to Jordan to do ministry, in this male dominated society, through conservative evangelical churches. Everyone recognized her gifts, too impressive to ignore. She was smart as well as spiritual. She knew the Bible, and she could teach. She could preach!
The men in her seminary class were ordained and made pastors, and Mary became her unique self, Sister Mary, the Bible Lady.
The male leaders in the Jordanian churches created a special but logical place for her, making her responsible for “women’s work.” (Or, I don’t know, maybe she created her role, and they just approved.) She was, in fact, a marvelous gift to a country like Jordan, because she could work with women in an intimate way, as no man could do.
She became like a traveling minister, going from village to village, calling the women together to study the Bible. Through her work she began to add to the churches of Jordan the strength of women who had studied with her and had some understanding of the scripture. To fully appreciate her task we have to realize that in rural Jordanian villages at the time many of the older women were illiterate, because there had been no schools for girls in the villages when they were children.
Our family was living in Amman, the capital city, when Uxt Mary came to visit me one day. She came in the middle of the day while Wayne was away at his work, and our children were at school. She came walking and was visibly tired when she arrived at my door. I remember those shoes with the heel, definitely not hiking shoes. Her graying hair was, as always, pulled back in a bun, with damp, kinky wisps around her face. And her glasses; I forgot to mention her thick glasses. For some reason that I no longer remember she did not want to come in that day but asked if we could sit in the shade on the edge of the porch and chat, so I brought her a glass of water, and she right away told me why she had come. She really needed another woman to go with her to the villages, someone who would drive her from place to place and speak to groups of women occasionally. She had been talking with God about this for some time and asking for leadership. God had told her, she said, that I was the one.
I was surprised. Going with Uxt Mary to the villages was something that had never occurred to me. I wished that God had told me about it if that was what I should do. Though I asked for a little time to consider, I think I saw at the beginning that it was very difficult to disagree with Uxt Mary when God had already told her.
I learned a lot on the first trip we made together. I drove the Jeep that belonged to the Jordan Baptist mission, because we were going to a village that had no decent road. Only a Jeep would ever have arrived, and I realized that my preparedness to drive the Jeep was one requirement that Uxt Mary might have given God when she asked for a helper. Furthermore, women did not normally even drive cars, and the appearance of a woman driving a Jeep through a village was obviously a cause of wonder and fascination. (This fascination appeared to be a great asset to Uxt Mary.) The next surprise was that Uxt Mary insisted I park the car rather far from the little church where we were going. She said it was better to walk from there, and I soon understood the reason.
As we walked up this dusty excuse for a road with little two-story adobe dwellings on both sides, women began to appear in doorways and windows, on balconies and roof tops. Uxt Mary waved at them all and announced, “Come to the church for a meeting.”
The women began to call out to her, “Who is this you are bringing to the meeting?” And she would reply, “Come to the church.”
“But who is she, Uxt Mary?”
“Come and meet her in the church.”
Obviously, my presence was attracting a lot of attention. I was already feeling more than self-conscious when a woman yelled, “Please, Uxt Mary, I can’t come to the church today, but I have to know. Where did you find her? I want to go there and get wives for my sons.” I began to wonder if Uxt Mary had told God she needed someone tall and blond, who would attract a lot of attention.
The women did come to the church, whether from curiosity or interest in learning something about the Bible, not just in this village but in others. And Uxt Mary gave me my first opportunity to deliver a message from the Bible in the Arabic language. I studied hard and memorized the words and was still afraid of making some serious goof, but the women were generously appreciative and forgiving. I felt good about making any small contribution to the ministry of this capable, hard-working woman, a pioneer.
Just a Servant
Uxt Mary might have been the best preacher in Jordan (some people thought so), but she never stepped outside of her assignment, “women’s work.” I don’t think she ever thought of herself as a possible trendsetter. In her mind she was a servant, with no ambitions at all or any vision of herself as an example. She did tell me once that her biggest concern was involving the younger, more educated women in her study groups; she wanted me to help her do that.
Wars, deaths, unexpected events of various kinds happened, and Wayne and I went to Lebanon, where I became director of a small publishing house. After that I rarely saw Uxt Mary, though I heard from time to time about her accomplishments. Once I saw her in Cyprus when we both attended a conference. The airlines had lost her suitcase, so for two weeks she was in Cyprus with no change of clothes. One day I asked her how she managed to look fresh and clean every morning, and she whispered to me that at night she washed everything she was wearing in the bathroom sink and hung it up to dry. There was no criticism of the airline and no hint in her voice that this was an inconvenience.
For many years she worked tirelessly, going up and down Jordan, and enabling churches in cities like Amman and Zarka to educate and involve women. Everyone knew her for her great faith and her closeness to God.
Going Gracefully
Mary grew old; her health declined. She had diabetes and kidney ailments. For a period of time it appeared that she would die. She prayed and asked God to give her “just one more year to serve Jesus.” And she lived.
Her extra year was nearly gone when she learned that Rev. Fowaz Omeish, pastor of a church in Amman and a leader in the Christian community, was traveling to Australia. She went to him and asked “Brother Fowaz,” to please not go at that time, “because that is the month when I am going to die. The Lord is coming for me.” She told Fowaz that he was to conduct her funeral. She had saved the money to pay for burial, and it was in her Bible.
I don’t know what Fowaz thought, only that he went to Australia anyway. While he was away, Uxt Mary was very busy, visiting one by one many women, Christian women who were her friends and disciples, to tell them that she was going to die “next week.” She said she wanted to “be with Jesus” and she was going this time. She had designated each piece of furniture in her house for someone she felt should have it, and she told them what to take when she was gone.
She had a roommate, an Egyptian woman named Sanaa, whom she told everything about her expectations and her plan.
With everyone and everything prepared, Mary woke one morning in great pain from a blood clot and told Sanaa that this was the day. She asked Sanaa to help her dress in her nicest and favorite dress so she would be ready. She lay down on her bed then and asked Sanaa to cover her with her special embroidered quilt. And she waited. Sometimes she screamed from the pain. In between the screams she would tell Sanaa. “I am so happy. I am going to see Jesus.”
And she did not wait long.