Debbie, a neighbor of mine fell the other day, in front of her own door, with her little dog on a leash. Joyce, who lives just around the corner, heard the crash and the barking and ran to investigate. Seeing the gash on Debbie’s head, Joyce pushed an emergency button and help was on the way.
That reminds me of something important to discuss.
Elderly Americans in retirement homes are people who have worked hard most of their lives. They have run institutions, built houses, written books, nursed the sick, kept the peace, governed cities, fought wars, cooked meals, repaired what was broken, made music, led choirs, preached sermons, taught algebra, pulled teeth, etc., etc., all while raising children and sending them to college.
They don’t know much about idleness.
Thinking about going to a retirement home, they sometimes wonder: what will I do there all day every day? Will I be of any use to anybody?
There is a bit of ambiguity in their feelings. They don’t want to keep office hours or hang out a shingle, but neither are they ready to forget what they know or stop being citizens and neighbors.
The most interesting thing I have discovered about retirement homes is how many of the good things that happen there are created or proposed and even executed by the residents. And the best administration, at least one that the residents really like, is one that listens to the residents and enables their ideas.
Here are some of the things I know that the residents of one retirement home do to contribute to the good life there:
Welcome newcomers and help them become part of the community
Read to a resident who is nearly blind
Visit the sick
Organize and lead a book club
Keep the library growing and organized
Teach other residents to read music
Teach people to make better use of their computers and phones
Make beautiful and useful objects from the wood of a tree that fell
Paint pictures that hang in the halls
Share food they made in their kitchen
Comfort the bereaved
Buy gifts for poor people in the city
Collect school supplies for disadvantaged children in the area
Plant gardens and share the vegetables
Serve as officers of resident organizations
Sing in the community choir
Accept leadership positions in a local church
Lead games: charades, password, Bingo
Shop for someone who is not able to walk through a store
Walk the dog of another resident who is ill
The possibilities seem endless. After all, a home for the elderly is a neighborhood, in fact, a potentially needy neighborhood, a community of people whose common sharing makes life better for all.
That reminds me. I was telling you about Debbie’s fall. She did really hurt herself and had to spend a week in the hospital, but we are all glad she was not alone in her big house when she fell. And Joyce, who often claims she “did nothing today,” is glad she happened to be in the right place at the right time.
And, oh. I almost forgot. Those recycling bins just around the corner from my apartment are there because of two women who made a fuss about people throwing away plastic.
If you are looking for a home, make sure there is a residents’ council and talk to residents themselves about activities and how they originate. You are looking for a place where you can give as well as take, a place where your ideas can contribute to the general welfare.
You make me rethink “retirement home.”
i forwarded this to my grand niece that works in a nursing home between her freshman and sophomore year of college. i thought the description of “who the residents are would give her a window into the folks she works with. loved the description of the history of the folks and the struggle with idleness. thanks for your ongoing narratives.
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Well said. Goodwin House, where we live is the same. We help each other. We take leadership positions. We initiate programs. We enjoy active lives
Love it! YOU are one of those amazing residents!!
When I was young (40ish) and unable to work, I looked for a writers’ group to keep my brain from going to mush. A poetry group in a retirement community gave me permission to join them. On my first day, the leader kindly but firmly introduced me to the ground rules: 1. We are not in a hurry. 2. It’s okay if we get off topic. I assured her that I could handle these rules. As it turned out, my experience prepared me for the book club you and I enjoyed together for years. It was appropriately named “Read and Reminisce” so that we could feel free to say, “That passage reminds me of the time I . . .”
When I was young (40ish) and unable to work, I looked for a writers’ group to keep my brain from going to mush. A poetry group in a retirement community gave me permission to join them. On my first day, the leader kindly but firmly introduced me to the ground rules: 1. We are not in a hurry. 2. It’s okay if we get off topic. I assured her that I could handle these rules. As it turned out, my experience prepared me for the book club you and I enjoyed together for years. It was appropriately named “Read and Reminisce” so that we could feel free to say, “That passage reminds me of the time I . . .”
Frances, you defined the term “purpose-filled life” long ago and you are still defining it! Blessings